My Kids

Today I want to talk about something that is very sensitive for me and also very important to me. Obviously from the title of my post you can figure out that it is about my children. I love my children very much. I know their weakness and their strengths. I wish I knew more of what is going on in their hearts but they are becoming adults and they don't always want to share with me what is deepest in their thoughts. And that's OK. I don't share everything that's on my heart with everyone. There are very few that know my deepest fears, my biggest dreams and what keeps me awake at night. I guess I am even more sensitive on behalf of my kids because of the life they have lived. It has not been an easy walk, to say the least. To ask my kids to live in a culture that is not their own; to ask my bi-racial kids to live in a culture which is prejudiced (then again what culture DOESN'T have some kind of prejudice towards SOME people group??); to ask them to grow up far away from the support of extended family; to ask them to go back and forth between the cultures - sometimes spending a year or two in a new home in a new school with new friends and - really - a new culture; to ask them to be dragged here and there visiting people they don't know or don't remember but who tell them that they were in the room when they were born or changed their diaper!!; these are just a few things we have asked them to do. I am not saying that this life we have chosen is a bad thing. It isn't. But every life has it's challenges and its hard points. It's not that God is not working and redeeming and teaching them (and US as their parents) lots of things. I don't think any of my kids would, looking back, choose anything different. They know that there have been incredible blessings along the way. They have seen countries many have never imagined visiting. They have traveled across the USA and seen multiples States and seen many of the 'cultures' that exist there. They have seen how the norms of culture change depending on where you are and many of the rules are really very transient. But they have also seen that there IS absolute truth beyond culture. If you ask them, they would probably say it's an easier adjustment to go from Spain to California than from Spain or even Cali to Ohio!! God has promised that whatever we lose by choosing to walk with him, He replaces with something else. My kids have had many people who have been the extended family we have left behind. One things that is hard is that this extended family is always in flux and changing. This also causes them to be cautious in who they invest their time in - and who they trust. They realize that many people really AREN'T that interested in them. They have learned to discern, to a point, who really DOES care and who really just doesn't get them. I have spoken with many adults who are MK's (Missionary Kids) and they have shared that they don't have a close relationship with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents in the USA. It's hard when you drop into the middle of their lives for a couple weeks every couple years and then you are gone again. I am not blaming anyone in this. One of my favorite sayings these days is "It is what it is". Which means it is not necessarily good or bad. It just is. I have been asked by a few people how they can support their Missionaries, especially when they are home for a short or extended period of time. I have told these few people to love their kids. To invest in them. To listen and take the time to spend quality time with them. Don't just focus on the parents (even tho we need encouragement and regeneration, too) but really love - deeply love those kids. Most MK's don't have a youth group to attend. Their parents ARE their spiritual input. They don't have Sunday School or youth group leaders except their parents. Many times, the kids ARE the worship leaders for the church service their parents are trying to start. In their host country, most kids don't have solid, Christian and Godly adults who go out of their way to show these kids that they are important. Most people focus on the parents and - unfortunately - it's easy as parents to lose sight of how the kids need to be reached out to, no matter where you are or what you are doing. So when I (accidentally or not) overhear a conversation between two people who have 'given up' trying to reach out to my children, I am deeply wounded. I know that the two people I overheard have good hearts. They ARE concerned for my children. But I am deeply grieved at their perception of my kids. My kids have met so many people in their comings and goings and so very few have truly tried to spend time with them and get to know them - on a consistent basis - that they really - probably the best word might be - are skeptical. I think that my kids would 'spill the beans' on themselves if they knew that people were safe and would not judge them but would love them and consistently, day after day, month after month, reach out and love them. Not just a message every 6 months or so asking how they are, but truly writing and sharing their lives and selves with them. Going out of their way to do special things for them. And not just the 'family' care package but the individual things. I know this is hard to do - especially when we are so far away. But loving someone is going out of our way to touch their lives with meaning. No matter the cost or the distance. To be perfectly honest, I fail miserably at this. I hope I am not coming across as the pot calling the kettle black. The longer I am outside of my original culture, I realize that one of the biggest dynamic in this is how we view children. Many times, whether we realize it or not, we don't value children as Jesus does. Many times we feel like we 'can't relate' to the kids or their culture because it's different than when we grew up. Most kids just want what all of us want - to be loved and valued and listened to. Many people think that Missionary Kids should be these perfect little Christians. They think they should have it all together spiritually, emotionally and socially. But my kids are not at the 'end of their story yet'. They have their issues that God is helping them work through, just the like rest of us. I praise MK's - and TCK's (third culture kids). There are even books written about their lives and their issues and what they struggle that with the kids who have grown up in their own culture will never have to deal with. Please, don't throw in the towel with my kids, or for that matter, any kids who don't look like maybe you think they should. Maybe you have no idea what they are dealing with and how God is transforming them into His image. And this process takes a lifetime for them, just like it does for the rest of us. Well, thanks again for listening!! If anyone has any questions or concerns - about me or my kids or my life or my theology, please ask. Don't make assumptions. What hurts most is not being asked. Talk to you all later!! Jill